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lunarborn[After the events of the previous week, the mature thing to do would have been to would have been to take the awkward stares and deliver his humble apologies like a man. Yet after spending a week steeped in the most negative emotions he'd indulged in even the darkest of fantasies, it was easier to keep to himself.
He'd been spending quite a bit of time along the southeastern banks of the river running outside the village, staying outdoors to avoid the all-encompassing yet entirely oppressive forgiveness that awaited him at home. He would make amends and pay his dues in time, but for now, there was still the matter of coping with what was within him that the experiment had tapped to affect his actions.
The man lying faceup on the riverbank would still be visibly bruised despite sharing living space with a mage proficient in the healing arts. He'd been grateful to have been pulled from the precipice of death, yes, but wished to let the tender achy muscles, dark bruises, and angry gashes heal on their own as penance. It was in this way that he watched the sky begin to darken, chronicling the sun's slow journey towards rest.]
He'd been spending quite a bit of time along the southeastern banks of the river running outside the village, staying outdoors to avoid the all-encompassing yet entirely oppressive forgiveness that awaited him at home. He would make amends and pay his dues in time, but for now, there was still the matter of coping with what was within him that the experiment had tapped to affect his actions.
The man lying faceup on the riverbank would still be visibly bruised despite sharing living space with a mage proficient in the healing arts. He'd been grateful to have been pulled from the precipice of death, yes, but wished to let the tender achy muscles, dark bruises, and angry gashes heal on their own as penance. It was in this way that he watched the sky begin to darken, chronicling the sun's slow journey towards rest.]
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Date: 2009-07-03 07:07 am (UTC)[action]
Date: 2009-07-03 07:18 am (UTC)[Pauses and looks to him.] You... you never spoke to me like that, even when you were still a Dark Knight. Is that what they truly become...?
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Date: 2009-07-03 08:02 am (UTC)[The mention of Dark Knights sends his smile running for the hills, though.] No. At least, none of my acquaintances behaved in such a manner. I can't fully explain what came over me... I suppose I've oftentimes wondered what would have become of me if I hadn't left Baron when I did, if I'd continued to walk the path of pillaging and wrongdoing. I suppose that is the reputation of the Dark Knight. [He reached for her hands, cupping them softly.] I'm so very sorry, Rosa.
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Date: 2009-07-03 08:19 am (UTC)[Still, it's quiet when she speaks next:] I forgive you, Cecil.
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Date: 2009-07-03 01:48 pm (UTC)[Action]
Date: 2009-07-03 05:54 pm (UTC)[Action]
Date: 2009-07-03 06:12 pm (UTC)No, you don't! Weren't you listening? This is Their fault! Besides, we need you. What if there was an emergency? If you insist on penance, then let yourself be healed and go train so that you can help us defend this place more effectively.
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Date: 2009-07-04 03:51 am (UTC)If there is an emergency, I can heal myself. [With his ghetto toddler-level Curas that could barely cure a papercut under Luceti's power dampeners. INDEPENDENCE!]
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Date: 2009-07-04 04:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-04 05:39 am (UTC)He'd been hated before. Even after atoning for his original sins, there were places he knew would never welcome him; having a drink at the bar in the wizard village Mysidia, for example, would be forever out of the question. But even the most vulgar, hateful grudge-holders in his homeland stopped short of questioning his manhood. Cecil had quite an appropriate set of male appendages, thankyouverymuch. They were a little bit sore at the moment, but present nonetheless.]
Now see here. [He rose, eyes focused upon her dismissive back.] Perhaps Milady mistakes good manners for passivity. I will admit that introspection resembles laziness and inaction. I respect your opinion. However, to call it childish that I would approach you and welcome the punishment you would deem appropriate, to suggest that I can know how to mend the harm I've brought to you without your input.. [He trailed off, unaccustomed to being this vocal with his negativity.] If you choose not to forgive me, I cannot help that. It is regretful, but I understand. But there is nothing inherently spineless in repentance. If your heart is too hardened to understand this, then it is you I pity.
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Date: 2009-07-04 06:18 am (UTC)Quistis stopped walking when he started speaking in a less... passive way, looking back at him and letting him speak his piece. The comment about being hardhearted washed over her; it wasn't as if people hadn't said that about her in the past. Recently, too. She knew she still needed a little practice, but she also knew she wasn't hardhearted - simply not interested in letting people get away with no effort.
So she watched him as she spoke, her expression gradually becoming... less annoyed. And when she spoke, it was was clear she wasn't just saying everything that came to mind the way she had been before. She sounded much more normal, to anyone who knew her.] I call it childish to go out somewhere people aren't likely to find you to brood over something that you, personally, didn't want to do. [She paused for just a moment, that he probably didn't like, before continuing.] I call it less childish to take on the responsibility of something that you, personally, didn't want to do, but was still perpetuated by something controlling your body.
[See there, Cecil? She knows it wasn't you. It sounds (and it really is) like Quistis just doesn't like the way you're basically hiding and cringing. But as she goes on she gets more and more calmed down and rational.] I don't think you need forgiveness. That ...experiment changed a lot of people, even some I know, into something they very much weren't. Mostly physically - your change seems to be entirely emotional. [And now she sighs and settles down on the grass herself, legs tucked carefully up underneath her.] What I am saying, is that just waiting for people to forgive you doesn't seem like it will help you much - because however many do, you need to forgive yourself as well, or it's meaningless. Or maybe accept that it wasn't you doing all those things - I have to admit, I like the fact that I don't have to defend myself from this you.
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Date: 2009-07-04 06:25 am (UTC)Cecil...you've accomplished so much and you know I think highly of your abilities, but no one is immune to this place. They're more powerful than anything we've faced, enough to enslave people equal to our power and possibly beyond. I'm not saying we should just accept that -ever- but it's something we have to keep in mind until we can find a way to stop it.
[Her common sense tone lasted that long, and then Rydia's shoulders slumped. Sniffle.]
Please, Cecil. Don't think you have to do everything yourself.
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Date: 2009-07-04 07:08 am (UTC)[action]
Date: 2009-07-04 07:13 am (UTC)[action]
Date: 2009-07-04 07:30 am (UTC)[action]
Date: 2009-07-04 07:42 am (UTC)[Action]
Date: 2009-07-04 06:32 pm (UTC)I...it's been a long week. But please, don't do this to yourself. Be healed.
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Date: 2009-07-05 02:32 am (UTC)[Later, perhaps he would thank her for bringing sense to a nonsensical demand. But at the moment, Cecil's brain was awhirl with the reddened eyes and faint sniffles of Rydia's sadness. Anything to indulge her, even if it didn't make complete sense to him at the moment.] I understand. My apologies for acting so selfishly. Do as you will.
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Date: 2009-07-05 04:02 am (UTC)I--
[Her voice was a little watery there, so she coughed and tried again.]
That's as much as I can do....
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Date: 2009-07-05 06:21 am (UTC)[He smiled broadly at her compliment.] Why, thank you. Likewise, I'm pleased that I won't again be receiving your particular sort of self-defense.
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Date: 2009-07-05 06:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-05 06:36 am (UTC)And Quistis shook her head a little.] I mean it, though - does my forgiving you and physically punishing you actually make a good difference in the way you feel? Does it make you feel more like a worthwhile person? Or make you happy? [She paused to pluck a grass stem, then focused on studying it while she talked.] Repentance is all well and good, but you seem... to not be very comforted by it, or improved by it. And that's not to mean you don't seem like a good person now, but because it seems that you would still be... sad, even after that.
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Date: 2009-07-05 06:34 pm (UTC)I told you, spirit magic. I'm all right, really. It's more that I haven't slept well the past few days than anything else. You will consider what I've said?
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Date: 2009-07-06 08:57 pm (UTC)I shall. Promise me you'll rest properly.
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Date: 2009-07-06 09:28 pm (UTC)[He hesitated a bit as her questions became more personal.] You may be right. Yet wouldn't it be selfish to seek forgiveness for my own sake? I think it's important for me to keep hold of what I was. If I don't keep that persona within my memory as a frame of reference, it lessens the desire to become a better person on a day to day basis. [He averted his eyes from her, somewhat uncomfortable with sharing his emotional state with others aloud.] I require no comfort, nor should my happiness be a concern to you. I repent to repair the damage I've wrought. It's.. Simply what ought to be done.